As this chapter has come to a close, there is no better time for collective forward reflection.

by Joycy Ann Lacombe

Before I begin I will share that I have contemplated editing out this next paragraph, because it is important to move forward and focus on what is good and right and purposed. But I can’t. I feel compelled to echo what has already been spoken, but also to amplify what should never have occurred for the sake of others.

To the Defense Team:

Objectively, I could see you stepping into your role as a public defender unable to choose whom you are assigned to defend. That was understood. But at some point, it appeared to become personal for you. This wasn’t a game to win. You were required to defend, to the best of your ability. But the disrespect you showed the injured, the families and their loved ones was a choice you made outside of the scope of your role.  You were defending an individual, who in 5 years, has shown no remorse. Yet there’s laughter at your table & entertaining him throughout. It was odd behavior on your part.  I don’t share this to condemn, I just hope you’re able to reflect and reset on the job you signed up for the citizens of our county.  And if this stirs anything productive in you – you will move towards the work to repair. 


Okay now we can begin.

To the courthouse BSO officers & bailiffs: The complexity of the space you held daily for the families did not go unnoticed.  You maintained a consistent sense of physical protection, while acknowledging the ebbs and flows of the lack of emotional protection from what would occur in that courtroom – thank you.

To Judge Scherer: You hold many notable qualities as a judicial court judge. Yet, it is the humility you held in your position while presiding over these proceedings I will hold onto the most. In fact it is in consideration of your other strengths that your humility shines brightest.

To the Prosecution: Only the families will be able to be able to fully attest to the care you gave them throughout. Up close, I saw the most impressive display of executing the strongest case possible. For someone that has a great appreciation for the details – you are impeccable at your craft. From a distance, I witnessed an immeasurable level of humanity and care as you quite physically and emotionally walked side by side with each of these families with the patience and willingness to remain attuned to their pace and needs as you journeyed. Your kindness, integrity and commitment to doing what was right and just will forever be engrained in my memory. 

To the readers, with respect to the Families: As I reflected on this chapter, I felt the need to highlight the families you may have come to know from a distance and provide a bridge to direct us all towards the passions they now hold so dear. No words could ever supersede the words they have shared and continue to communicate since the day their lives changed. If you have taken the time to get to know their loved ones through their stories and the words of others who love them, your life has been changed. You learned of their individual drives, their gifts, kindness, leadership, sense of humor and their ability to already have made movement towards changing our world. 

In honor of the families’ expressed desire to put this season behind them and look forward, I encourage you all to get to know their missions a little more intimately.

As I quote the title of Fred Guttenberg’s book, you won’t have to look far, just “Find the Helpers”

They are the ones fighting for our families every day of their lives. 

They are in our congresspeople’s offices, presidents’ faces, and demonstratively protesting on top of construction cranes just outside the White House, insisting on our protection. They are organizing fundraisers, swim-a-thons, dance-a-thons, 5Ks and Ocean Races. 

They are providing additional golf carts to local schools so that if danger arises help can arrive sooner.

They are studying current legislation, investing countless hours to draft, push and pass laws on local and federal levels to keep your children safe in schools, theaters, mosques, churches and synagogues. They are providing athletic and academic scholarships to our families in honor of their loved one’s passions.

They have created healing spaces through beautifully cultivated community gardens and playgrounds. They are providing support to victims of gun violence by personally walking alongside families in their wake, amplifying their stories, and providing additional longterm emotional support by way of pups.

They are now elected officials serving on our school boards. 

These are people that you will want to support.  These are people that you would be honored to know. They are the goodness and hope in humanity, the goodness & hope we could all aspire to hold.

And to the Families: May the support you feel from this chapter forward solidify even more that you are loved, you are loved, you are loved.


How will you carry the hope forward?

Meadow’s Playground
Video Credit: http://www.JeffGoldmanVisuals.com
RUN4BEIGEL FALL 2021
Swim4Nick

Photo courtesy of Coral Springs Talk/ Coral Springs Community Garden

Make Our Schools Safe
Photo cred: Joycy Ann Lacombe

People over things.

A page from my private notes.

It took me a while to understand what was happening within myself in response to the horrific event on February 14th.  I had the experience and presence of mind to know that we were all navigating through a collective state of shock in the immediacy of the shooting.  I know some of us still are.  As my true feelings began to permeate the shock, my mind was forced to face the sadness of the finality and reality of what had occurred.  These beautiful souls were no longer here in the flesh for their loved ones to interact with, kiss, hug, touch, watch grow.  Though their spirits will always be here,  family and friends have to adjust to their physical absence.   As much as I knew that in my mind and I experienced the deep sadness that it brought, I knew there was another level of pain waiting for me when my heart and mind would connect and I would truly begin to feel.   The longer it took to connect, the more I knew I was in a funky state of waiting.

Eventually it clicked —my heart and mind were having trouble reconciling this horrific reality, because it never should have happened.  This great loss wasn’t due to a sickness, a natural disaster or an accident (even unexpected).  This was preventable, and I know I am speaking for many when I say that it made it more difficult to accept.  Sure, we were initially met with incomprehensible grief, but there was also a righteous anger that came too, competing for its place in our hearts and minds as we processed this loss.

I have not watched the news.  I typically read the news versus watching anyway.  For the last month, I have purposely protected myself from watching, because I was living the news.  I didn’t need any outside source to tell me what I was watching, experiencing and processing first hand.

But just because I didn’t watch, that didn’t mean I didn’t hear.  I heard of young voices demanding change.  I heard of angry parents publically demanding answers.  I’m glad that they’re using their voices, but I worry about their healing in the midst of it.   They shouldn’t have to choose between fervently putting energy towards their battle for healing and their battle for change — their battle for something like this to never, ever so easily happen again.  It was too easy.  I have a problem with that.  It should never have been that easy.

I had a conversation with my sister a couple weeks ago.  She lives in Massachusetts, is a trauma nurse and knows first hand the destruction the path of a bullet can leave.   She also works as a bereavement counselor for parents who have lost children.  She has taken the losses she has personally experienced and directed that journey of enduring heartache to finding hope and healing into helping others walk through theirs.   While catching up with her, she noted that many of these families are challenged with what she terms as “distracted grief”.  I was immediately marveled by the label that so accurately described what our community was experiencing.  The sudden or any loss of a child is hierarchically the greatest pain experienced in life.  Losing a child and having other things interfere with wrapping one’s mind around that loss, impedes on working towards healing.

A message.

Through my processing, I wondered what would happen if we all took 10 seconds to attempt put ourselves in the place of these parents’ shoes, these wives’ shoes to receive such devastating news.  Even in the greatest contemplative conception of that nightmare, we wouldn’t be able to truly touch the pain they are feeling.  And we would barely be able to bare the heartache our imagination would produce.   If this had been you, would you fight with a righteous vengeance to ensure it didn’t happen again?  Fight for the implementation of increased safety measures — tangible improvements on the ones that failed your son, daughter, spouse?  Through the pain, yes we would choose to live on.  We know deep down our loved ones would want that.   We would not, however, be permitted to forget how their lives changed, how our lives changed, and take action to ensure that they were not lost in vain – we’d fight to find purpose through our pain.  As we seek to heal, please do not forget the horror we felt on that day.  It really could have happened to any one of us.

Some encouragement to our tenacious fighters.

Common sense would tell us that this fight has little to do with an elephant or a donkey.  With so many battles in our country to argue or debate over, we shouldn’t argue or debate over the protection of life at all levels.  People should always matter over things.  It seems foolish to argue over what I get to have versus who gets to live.  That will never be a logical argument to the sane.

I want to encourage the fighters who feel like you are in a war zone fighting for the simplest and most fundamental rights we have – you are not ill-equipped.  Your fight is right and it is just.  Thank you for allowing your youth to remind us of what we lost on our journey to adulthood – fervor, zest, hope in our unified power for change.  There is no argument that can stand against the right to protect your life and win.  I understand and value our historical right for freedom, but there is no good win in a fight for freedom that values things over life.  Our constitution was created and progressively amended to ensure inclusion of rights for all, not for some.  The fight that you are in, has been modeled before you and the resistance that you feel has been overcome before you.  Keep fighting the good fight, you’re on the right side of this and you are not alone.  Your courage is contagious and moves those in the back row further towards the front, as they become empowered by your relentless effort to keep pushing forward and your tenacity in not succumbing to distraction or resistance.

Final thoughts

This battle of the human heart has just begun its restless struggle of wrestling with the convictions we used to so easily pacify with apathy.  My hope is that we are not comfortable with remaining passive and do whatever we are uniquely called to, to fight for what is right.

One week from now, people will gather worldwide with a singular message.  A single agenda.  People matter more than things.  They should have always mattered more than things.  Somewhere along the line we got this out of order and now these kids are leading us back to the place where we got lost, simplifying the direction of our narrative.  We are sorry that we did not fight for the children of Sandy Hook like we are fighting now for our own and those to come.  I implore every reader to fight with conviction as if this had happened to you.  I cannot imagine a household that would stand for inclusion of access to this type of weapon if it had indiscriminately taken the life of your child or spouse.  There will always be sickness and evil in the world.  To say this was a painful wakeup call for all of us is an obvious understatement.  Now we are faced with responding – would you rather fight for evil and sickness to lose ground, or selfishly hold onto your “mine”, ignorantly thinking you will be protected the next time evil indiscriminately strikes?

I’ve been humbled to join the fight begun by others, #neveragain.